Alan Rusbridger

According to polls, in a few months' time, Opposition Leader Sir Keir Starmer will face him in digs much more salubrious than his first London flat above a massage parlour. Sir Keir's life became more accessible and more liberal as he stepped up-sized across his beloved north London over the years. We take a look at the property moves Sir Keir has made in his lifetime from a bungalow in Woodchurch Kent to a four-bed terrace in Kentish Town.

HARDCASTLE (EPHRAIM): Recovering Kate, who was unable to attend a Guinness toast on St Patrick's Day, ensured her favorite troops were well stocked at her expense on St Patrick's Day. She poured £2,000 behind the regimental bar at Aldershot for a party after the traditional parade, to their delight. According to my bacus, the thirsty troopers were treated to at least 700 pints of the black stuff at no cost. And did she specify that regimental mascot Seamus, the Irish wolfhound, should be treated to a jumbo bone?

MEMBER: SIM CASE & Sir Richard Moore, our most senior civil servant, and MI6's Chief Richard Moore, who resigned in reaction to the unveiling of the Garrick Club's membership list, is bizarre and troubling. These two guys are supposed to be both governing the country and shielding it from hostile foreign powers. But, at the first sign of incoming criticism from a Left-wing newspaper, the Guardian, who chastised them for being banned from attending a club that excludes women supporters, they resigned and apologised sincerely for the appalling offence of enjoying the occasional lunch or drink in a single-sex private club's convivial atmosphere.